god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
