you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
