were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
