just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You have to summon your inner elephant
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
