life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i think im in europe. pls send help
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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