I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
