hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
