The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
