Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We need a shit load of segways right now
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize