his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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