Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
