It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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