I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
