kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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