WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
