The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
