capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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