Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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