Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
