your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
