i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
