I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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