Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
