before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
