she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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