it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
