I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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