plz talk dirty to me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
