you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
