I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
