yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So many bounce houses so little time
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
