i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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