I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
