I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
