I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
