I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
