remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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