How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
