it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
