summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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