you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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