Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
