i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sober January is a disaster.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
