Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
