I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
