Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
