Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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