I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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