She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
