is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
