Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize