Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
