True but thats because hes a fetus.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
where are my eyebrows?
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