did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
