I puked a lego.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
