I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
