I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
