God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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