He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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