i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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