Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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