i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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